The wound is the place…. Day 20. A new chapter begins.

~To my treasured parents~

Buddham saranang gacchami

I go to the Buddha for refuge

Dhammam saranang gachhami

I go to the Dhamma for refuge

Sangham saranam gacchami

I go to the Sangha for refuge

"The wound is the place where the light enters you"

- Rumi

I do believe ,  Dear Varian,  that having practiced with you has turned up the spiritual frequency in my life.  

My oncologist said… "you may have to live with this for the rest of your life,  we just don't know " .

#1 .  I love my oncologist, and I'm cool with uncertainty.

#2.  From the I Ching , 
 "Genius is the ability to receive from the Universe"

 I am changing and  transforming this blog.

Follow me on this fantastic voyage.

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SOME CURIOUS GOOGLE SEARCHING RENDERED THIS HANDPICKED DEFINITION. THERE WAS ANOTHER MEANING THAT CAME UP… "LIGHTNING BOLT".  

THIS ONE IS  ESPECIALLY INTERESTING GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES,  DON'T YOU AGREE? 

(Some liberty in interpretation please as this particular Varian , of course, is not a person )

The name Varian is of Latin origin.

SoulUrge Number: 11

People with this name have a deep inner desire to inspire others in a higher cause, and to share their own strongly held views on spiritual matters.

Expression Number: 11

People with this name tend to be idealistic, highly immaginative, intuitive, and spiritual. They seek after spiritual truth and often find it. They tend to be visionary and may inspire others. If they fail to develop their potential, they may become dreamers, or misuse power.

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And….. in April I started a most unique and remarkable wellness coaching program by Dr. Deanna Minich , Ph.D,  and am now a Certified Food & Spirit Practitioner! While attending to treatment I wrapped up my case study and got the great news on Tuesday.  I can't wait to share this with you in new workshops and offerings to help you live your most passionate,  purposeful and health-rich life!… stay tuned  IN … 

Food & Spirit is a philosophy and creative program using ancient traditions and modern science to help you become free from nutrition for body, and embrace nourishment for your whole self, encompassing seven different aspects of your being!

You will find that Food & Spirit offers you something different – because it looks at all of you and your life when it comes to your relationship with food.  

FOOD & SPIRIT (™) .  foodandspirit.com

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Share the Practice. Break the Cycle.

The mission of Community Yoga is to offer the practices of yoga, mindfulness and other evidenced-based wellness programming to under-served communities who may not otherwise have access. Our commitment is to facilitate personal empowerment and social change by unlocking the inherent value of our communities. 

The Yogathon has one more week to go!  Thank You to all the donations that came in through the purpose of this blog to help fund CYA's mission.  Yoga to the people! 

Now begins the practice…Day 19. I am enough.

~Atha yoga-anushasanam~

"Now this is Yoga as I have perceived it in the natural world" 

-Patanjali's Yoga Sutras I.1

Do you feel what I feel? Day 18 …Tonglen..

I want to know if you can sit with the pain

mine or your own

without moving to hide it

or fade it

or fix it…

It doesn't interest me

to know where you live

or how much money you have

I want to know if you can get up

after the night of grief and dispair

weary and bruised to the bone

and do what needs to be done

to feed the children

-oriah mountain dreamer

10:30 p.m..almost asleep…. Shit! Skyler's gym clothes haven't been washed ! ( have you had the joy of experiencing the "afterglow" of an athletic 16 year old's gym clothes?) .  Up I go.  And wash the gym clothes.  4:00 a.m…dream state…SHIT! The gym clothes aren't dry! Up I go… wet clothes to dryer.  Might as well get the school lunches started.  And how fitting and perfect is this?  He forgot to take the clean clothes. This is all of my own doing - or undoing - and the children need to be fed.

Through all the years of my maturing and evolving  personal practice,  and in guiding students through their own,  I've found the practice of Tonglen to be one of the most liberating and expanding life meditations.  The tears of our world seem heavy now.  There are long moments where  the anguish of the mothers and fathers that cry these tears overwhelms me .   

My first take on this bold asana was …" beam me up Scotty! "… or   " Close Encounters of the Third Kind"  ( no judgment on the shot Amy… You did a bang-up job! )  .  The biggest challenge has been my attachment to the security and traction of my yoga mat.  I'm united with the yogis that practice on ice,  fire,  nailbeds!   Holding strong,  steady and breathing ,  soft heart and gaze...  I came up and said , "  Makes me want to barf! ."  

Tonglen requires no special mala beads or sitting cushion.  Just you and a safe place of quiet to dive in deep and receive  ….let the gates of love open.

~Breathing in your own deep heartache .  Hold it .  Stay.  It will move through you.

Breathing out joy from the wounds and scars , and memories of your suffering.   

For you,  For another being,  for the world . ~

THE PRACTICE OF TONGLEN 

by Pema Chodron.

In order to have compassion for others, we have to have compassion for ourselves. 

In particular, to care about other people who are fearful, angry, jealous, overpowered by addictions of all kinds, arrogant, proud, miserly, selfish, mean —you name it— to have compassion and to care for these people, means not to run from the pain of finding these things in ourselves. In fact, one's whole attitude toward pain can change. Instead of fending it off and hiding from it, one could open one's heart and allow oneself to feel that pain, feel it as something that will soften and purify us and make us far more loving and kind. 

The tonglen practice is a method for connecting with suffering —ours and that which is all around us— everywhere we go. It is a method for overcoming fear of suffering and for dissolving the tightness of our heart. Primarily it is a method for awakening the compassion that is inherent in all of us, no matter how cruel or cold we might seem 
to be. 

We begin the practice by taking on the suffering of a person we know to be hurting and who we wish to help. For instance, if you know of a child who is being hurt, you breathe in the wish to take away all the pain and fear of that child. Then, as you breathe out, you send the child happiness, joy or whatever would relieve their pain. This is the core of the practice: breathing in other's pain so they can be well and have more space to relax and open, and breathing out, sending them relaxation or whatever you feel would bring them relief and happiness. However, we often cannot do this practice because we come face to face with our own fear, our own resistance, anger, or whatever our personal pain, our personal stuckness happens to be at that moment. 

At that point you can change the focus and begin to do tonglen for what you are feeling and for millions of others just like you who at that very moment of time are feeling exactly the same stuckness and misery. Maybe you are able to name your pain. You recognize it clearly as terror or revulsion or anger or wanting to get revenge. So you breathe in for all the people who are caught with that same emotion and you send out relief or whatever opens up the space for yourself and all those countless others. Maybe you can't name what you're feeling. But you can feel it —a tightness in the stomach, a heavy darkness or whatever. Just contact what you are feeling and breathe in, take it in —for all of us and send out relief to all of us. 

People often say that this practice goes against the grain of how we usually hold ourselves together. Truthfully, this practice does go against the grain of wanting things on our own terms, of wanting it to work out for ourselves no matter what happens to the others. The practice dissolves the armor of self-protection we've tried so hard to create around ourselves. In Buddhist language one would say that it dissolves the fixation and clinging of ego. 

Tonglen reverses the usual logic of avoiding suffering and seeking pleasure and, in the process, we become liberated from a very ancient prison of selfishness. We begin to feel love both for ourselves and others and also we begin to take care of ourselves and others. It awakens our compassion and it also introduces us to a far larger view of reality. It introduces us to the unlimited spaciousness that Buddhists call shunyata. By doing the practice, we begin to connect with the open dimension of our being. At first we experience this as things not being such a big deal or so solid as they seemed before. 

Tonglen can be done for those who are ill, those who are dying or have just died, or for those that are in pain of any kind. It can be done either as a formal meditation practice or right on the spot at any time. For example, if you are out walking and you see someone in pain —right on the spot you can begin to breathe in their pain and send some out some relief. Or, more likely, you might see someone in pain and look away because it brings up your fear or anger; it brings up your resistance and confusion. 

So on the spot you can do tonglen for all the people who are just like you, for everyone who wishes to be compassionate but instead is afraid, for everyone who wishes to be brave but instead is a coward. 

Rather than beating yourself up, use your own stuckness as a stepping stone to understanding what people are up against all over the world. 

Breathe in for all of us and breathe out for all of us. 

Use what seems like poison as medicine. Use your personal suffering as the path to compassion for all beings. 

One degree of separation.… Day 17 from the Radiation Room

"I've seen and met angels 

wearing the disguise

of ordinary people

living ordinary lives

-tracy chapman

Spiritual Warriors - This life,  our lives.  The miracle of being alive, is an every second experiential training to be a part of the whole,  the conditional and unconditional .  When one releases their fear,  they can stand in the middle of the fire,  and with compassion,  do the work that needs to be done to soften and lighten the suffering of another.  

My team at Texas Oncology is willing to do just about anything for me. 

Big hearted ,  tender,  kind,  playful.  Healers.  

Heather above with me in Navasana.

Calvin could start a whole new manual on creative asana variation.

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I am BLOWN AWAY at how powerfully beneficial  social media can be.  I've had a love/hate relationship with it for so long (  more accurately…kind-of-like / hate relationship ) .  

In the span of about 24 hours I was connected to these amazing humans below through this blog and Facebook .   Please take time to read these warrior's stories .   We all have many things in common…two being we all are diagnosed with Lymphoma and we are all YOUNG.  

Below I'm sharing various Facebook postings and links to help support them in their fight to be and stay HEALTHY. 

 Joanna Raye Fried connected me to Carmen,  Ava's mother.  In a bizarre coincidence ( or not?…),  Ava also has Anaplastic Large Cell Lymphoma.  This is Joanna's FB post...

O.k. People...for those of you who missed it, this is a very simple way to help out a family who is going through a tough time. We Fried Family Three have a dear friend by the name of Ava from the Gray Family Four, she has brought mucho happiness into our home by letting us love her like a daughter and also being one of Jake's all-time besties. She was recently diagnosed with Anaplastic Large Cell Lymphoma and needs chemo for three months and atleast two hospital stays. We are asking friends and family to just donate a bit to help the cause and if you can't then shoot some serious love rays her way. Thanks all. Just click the link below.......

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_donations&business=ZH5BS3FA7WUTE&lc=US&item_name=Gray+Family+Four&item_number=100&currency_code=USD&bn=PP-DonationsBF%3Abtn_donateCC_LG.gif%3ANonHosted

Real life ,  Real time health insurance experience  from Ava's mom,  Carmen Gray :
This can happen to ANYONE.  Take the time to learn about your plan or options.

Carmen Gray Jessica, if you or your loved ones get cancer, your health insurance does cover some of the expenses. However, you will have to pay a lot of out of pocket fees, you will most definitely meet your deductible and you will be paying extra for all of the Rx medications needed, CT scans and PET scans. Also, if your treatment involves travel or hospital stays, the bills add up quickly, especially if you are on an 80/20 policy. Cancer insurance is not very much (when we added our kids, after it was too late, it ends up being an exra $6 a month) and covers a lot of the expenses your health insurance does not.

September 10 at 3:17pm · Unlike · 3

• 

  Carmen Gray and do check your deductible and the Maximum yearly coverage. We were lucky that in the middle of our crisis our insurance policy changed (I had made the switch before we even found out) to a better one. Still going to have to pay some hefty fees on the beginning of the treatment hospital stay and surgery.

  September 10 at 3:20pm · Unlike · 1
• 

  Carmen Gray a lot of cancer insurance policies send you a set amount of money ($5,000-$10,000) if you find out you or the person covered has cancer. You can use this extra money to cover the differences. Also, most of the time they pay for co-pays for the chemo outpatient visits...which there could be a lot of, depending on the type of cancer found and the stage it is in.

  September 10 at 3:23pm · Unlike · 1
• 

  Carmen Gray My husband and I have always carried cancer insurance, because of a cousin of mine getting it before she got cancer years ago. However, we never thought about adding the kids to it. We never thought we'd need to even think about that. Better to be safe than sorry.

  September 10 at 3:31pm · Unlike · 3

  
  

  
  

  Jennifer Jarman Branner shared this hilarious youtube video from HODDY,  a popular Bar Method teacher in Kansas City.   Who is this Hoddy???   
                                                       I'm crazy about her! 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Zoe Mantarakis connected me to Chase Ayers and his cancer -ass-kicking blog !

  
  

  Kickin Cancer's Ass

  
  

  

  
  

  Chase's blog connected me to Kara's blog and her brave battle :

  
  

  Kickin Cancer's Ass shared a link.

  August 23

  Hey, my friend Kara is tryin to pay off some debt and normalize her life a bit. Give a little if you can, and if not, maybe you could share it and spread the word. I thank you!
  
  http://www.welovekara.com/services.html#.U_VcdYZwPvQ.facebook

  
  

  

  
  

  About Kara

  www.welovekara.com

  My name is Kara, I am a single mommy of a 5 year old little girl and I have had a rare type of brain/blood cancer. I have been diagnosed w/ Follicular Non Hodgkin’s Lymphoma Stage 3b, in my head, of which…
  
  

  
  

Supernova!!…Tales from day 16 ….Brahma , Cosmos, and open minds.

"And I'll look back on Venus,
I'll look back on Mars,
And I'll burn with the fire,
Of 10 million stars" - fame

During my first round of radiation back in February of 2013,

I had a profound experience.  One that paralleled , if not surpassed, giving birth to my children.  A "spirit moment" that stood between time and space. 

I can't tell you where I was or what I was doing.  

Those details have evaporated from my memory.

Without question ,  every cell of my being  understood ,  intimately,  the connection I had to everything … " a resonance of all with all".  This was not an understanding of my mind ,  or even of my heart.  

It went way beyond .

-from the Vijanana Bhairava Tantra …

Then attend simultaneously to resonance of all with all.  

Enter the glowing net of light ,  

with the focus born of awe

and even your bones will know enlightenment 

A supernova is a stellar explosion that briefly outshines and entire galaxy, radiating as much energy as the sun is expected to emit over its entire life span, before fading from view over several weeks or months.  The extremely luminous burst of radiation expels much or all of a star's material at a velocity of up to 30,000 km/s ( 10% of the speed of light),  driving a shock wave into the surrounding interstellar medium.  This shock wave sweeps up an expanding shell of gas and dust called a supernova remnant.  A great proportion of primary cosmic rays comes from supernovae.

"The Hindu religion is the only one of the world's great faiths dedicated to the idea that the Cosmos itself undergoes an immense,  indeed an infinite, number of deaths and rebirths.  It is the only religion in which the time scales correspond to those of modern scientific cosmology.  Its cycles run from our ordinary day and night to a day and night of Brahma, 8.64 billion years long.  Longer than the age of the Earth or the Sun and about half of the time since the Big Bang." 

― Carl Sagan, Cosmos

Open ,  discover and reveal,  your vast universe within… ~Namasté 

CYA Yogathon Sponsorship

"Thanks to impermanence ,  EVERYTHING is possible "

 - Thich Nhat Hanh

Fortifying my  living Temple

Raw.  Organic.  Cell soaking ,  life giving JUICE.

You ROCK Joanie Friedan!  Skinny Limits is liquid manna of the Gods.

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My Kula helps feed my tribe 

…and gives me a break from tending to boys in the kitchen.

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Love .  Light.  Namasté:  CYA Sponsorship